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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in xMurdrMicGx's LiveJournal:

    [ << Previous 20 ]
    Saturday, December 2nd, 2006
    1:16 am
    so really . . .
    i aint been on in awhile

    how the fuck r ya'll!??!?!?!
    Monday, August 21st, 2006
    3:16 am
    on another note
    i wish i couldve made that one girl happy . . .

    u know who u are



    i cant explain my actions n e more

    i dont know why i look out for only me now!

    i hope you end up ok

    whether im in ur lif eor not

    i feel i dont


    UGH
    to be continued!!!
    3:14 am
    why does life not phase me as much????
    no seriously

    i dont get it??!!?

    i know somewhere along the line im gonna feel some sort of pain

    but hwere is it now

    i feel numb
    Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
    12:05 am
    Ive Learned Alot Recently . ..
    its always the summer that helps me learn alot

    and summer is not really summer for me

    i have the same schedule reguardles

    nothing is different

    its just weird that alot happens during this time

    what ive learned this summer

    i have a lot of flaws

    i already knew that though

    i need to focus more on the things i want

    not what others want

    i need to make time to enjoy life

    some people r just not worth the fucking time!
    [ya'll feel me on that]

    i come before any of you greedy FUCKS!!!

    i have some of the greatest friends

    in the world!!!

    i seriously owe each and everyone one of ya'll so much!!!!

    this is ponly part one

    as if u fucks care

    I love ya'll

    goodnite
    Thursday, August 3rd, 2006
    5:35 am
    when death comes to get me . . .
    please dont cry

    celabrate my life

    be happy that you spent time with me

    understand it happens for a reason

    dont go drink the pain away

    feel it and realize things happen for a reason

    the day i vanish from this earth i want ya'll to laugh and cry and enjoy the life ya'll have left to live

    dont let the shock get the best of you

    we all go one day

    just be glad that you get to wake up the next

    R.I.P.

    Daniel Zarate

    you will be missed
    Monday, July 31st, 2006
    1:47 am
    i am so
    dead . . . . . .
    Sunday, July 9th, 2006
    11:22 pm
    only if u let it . . .
    but i have an idea

    i dont mean this to be rude

    dont take it that way

    but

    when u come to a decision

    of what you want

    come looking for me

    cause ive been here for sometime

    patient

    and still am

    but u decide whats more important
    Thursday, June 29th, 2006
    1:44 am
    So The Day Begins
    so i talk about how im gonna do it but i dont

    today i begin to cut ALL ties

    all the ones that help me to hold my life back

    im tired of screaming at the walls here

    theres never a response

    im trying really

    im learning day by day

    when u fall down its SO hard!!!!!!!!

    but im a fighter

    have been

    and i cant do this alone

    i need his help

    so i will ask tonite

    why do i surround myslf with so much fakenes

    crews dont really matter

    nit these days it seems

    why do i o so much to make myself believe things are fine

    why??

    why amd i just ignoring the signs??

    why??

    wouldnt it be great of i knew the answers

    oh well

    i need some relief

    and to the guy that spoke of the acoustic/hip hop project

    whats up??

    let me know
    Friday, June 2nd, 2006
    4:19 am
    so this is life . . . .
    i used to get on here and complain about how screwed up life is

    but now i just kinda accept it and try to change what i can

    i used to wonder why i have the fakest friends a guy could ask for

    but now i just accept it and try to shut the fu*k up about it

    life has changed so much over these past years

    things are fu*king crazy these dayz

    ive lost alot of friendships

    i gained alot more back

    relationships have been hell

    and ive put some through hell


    but

    im tired of all this stupid crap

    and im slowly trying to grow up

    im not sure if anyone can tell but ive matured alot

    theres still alot to grow up on


    simply cause im a guy and were stupid

    but im trying

    i hvae goals in life

    who knows if i'll reach tem

    but thats what makes life what it is

    the fact that nothing goes as planned

    things randomly happen

    if everything went as planned it would be pretty fu*king boring after awhile

    idk

    i just wanna enjoy everything about life these dayz

    i wanna stop the arguements with those i care about

    i wanna build new and IMPROVED friendships

    u know people i can actually count on to have my back

    i absolutely love the crowd ive been around every now and then these dayz

    i see some things that are in my life that i dont

    want to go away

    alot of the people in my life are all connected back to one special person

    this is one of the million and one reasons

    why i know that this is what i need

    who i need

    and why i tell anybody that doesnt respect it to kiss my ass

    bottom line

    respect me, my decisions

    and the people i love

    and as far as my life goes

    pray for me cause im trying to do right . . .


    Current Mood: waking up to life
    Current Music: Chiodos/Taking Back Sunday/Say Anything
    Saturday, May 13th, 2006
    10:28 am
    so here it is . . .
    hopefully by august i will be ready to perform some material!!

    im excited

    oh and today is my b day

    i doubt i'll be as shitfaced as i planned

    actually i might not drink at all

    its not necessary

    i just wanna be around the people i care for

    the show will be tight!!!

    i wish u would be there

    i hope things get better for you



    and as far as us . . .

    i dont wanna be just another boy that failed you
    another asshole!!!!
    i still wanna be more than that!!!!!!!

    i hate that i havent been ther lately

    everything was just so weird lately and at times

    it seemed i wasnt wanted as far as being there for you

    im glad you called!!!!!!!!!

    im here for you
    Monday, May 8th, 2006
    10:46 pm
    ah ha!!!!!!!!
    SARA IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    itz bout time some shit starts going right!!!!!!!!!!


    im so excitd cause this summer will be ill!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    and i have been really chill and pretty much disreguarded life lately!!!!!!!!


    and itz been amazing cause nobody else gives a shit for once!!!!!!!!!!

    now all i need is to start getting beatz for my albums

    all in due time

    wow

    im almost 20!!!!!!!!!
    Thursday, May 4th, 2006
    2:59 pm
    FUCK!
    thsi shit is so crazy!!!!!!!

    fucking promotional shit is fucking wearing me out!!!!!!


    But

    i love it cause im doing one of the many things i love!!!!!!!!!

    now if i could just get everything else in its place

    when will that happen
    Friday, April 28th, 2006
    12:50 am
    id give anything to get that rosary back!!!
    i lost it once and it

    well it was a miracle i got it back


    but i gave away my protection to someone i thought neede it

    and now i regret it . . . .

    i wish i had it now

    Current Mood: i shouldve known better
    Thursday, April 27th, 2006
    1:01 pm
    Today Shouldve Been Her Day . . . R.I.P.
    this makes you think about life . . .

    and how precious it is


    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY ANNA








    To those of you who wont repost this, thats kind of sad. I know most of you didnt know her but I have seen you repost the most ridiculous bulletins like "If you dont repost this in .2 seconds you will die tonight and your crush will hate you", "What kind of skittle are you?", "Whats your favorite song to have SEX too?", "put BACARDI if your taken", "Leave me comments lyke now!!1!!111" and so on. But you cant repost one that has meaning, and that isnt threatening you?

    To alot of you this is just another sad bulletin or news article, but to the people who knew her she was their daughter, best friend, niece, cousin, crush, grandaughter, sister, prom date. Think of how they feel? and how you would feel if this happened to someone close to you.</font>

    R.I.P Anna Svidersky

    Anna was a smart 17 year old girl who lived in Vancover, WASHINGTON.
    She attended Fort Vancover Highschool and was going to graduating this June,2006.
    Thursday, April 20th 2006 in the evening she was stabbed and murdered at Mcdonalds while working.
    She didnt deserve this, at all. There is so much violence going on lately its ridiculous.
    Her Myspace

    'THE ARTICLE' HereOr look below.


    Stabbing of Vancouver teen hits community hard

    02:35 PM PDT on Friday, April 21, 2006
    By TERESA BELL and KRISTINA BRENNEMAN, kgw.com Staff



    kgw.com/Vancouver Schools

    A photo of Anna Svidersky from her high school yearbook.

    VANCOUVER -- The deadly stabbing of a 17-year-old girl who made everyone smile is tearing the Vancouver community apart, said the Vancouver police chief Friday.

    Anna Svidersky, a Fort Vancouver High School senior, was stabbed in the chest by a stranger while working at McDonald's Thursday night, said Police Chief Brian Martinek at a news conference.

    "It's tearing us apart, quite frankly," he said. "There's no magic wall around Vancouver. We've had two young girls killed in the last six months," referring to the November 2005 murder of 14-year-old Chelsea Harrison.

    Svidersky, who would have graduated in June, was taken to Legacy Emanuel Hospital in Portland where she died around 9 p.m. Thursday. An autopsy was scheduled for Friday morning, Martinek said.

    The suspect, David Barton Sullivan, was charged with first-degree murder Friday morning.


    KGW photo

    Police collect evidence at the crime scene.
    "We preliminarily determined he had an intent to kill," Martinek said. "The suspect armed with a knife walked into one of the doors of McDonalds.... found the victim at a table and stabbed the victim. There's not a whole lot of question about what happened and who did it."

    Many employees in the McDonalds saw what happened, he said.

    The owner of the Vancouver McDonald's, Matt Hadwin, issued a statement saying, "We are shocked and saddened by this random act of violence against one of our employees. Our thoughts and prayers go out to her family and friends during this difficult time. We are fully cooperating with the Vancouver Police as they investigate this incident."

    During a court appearance Friday in Clark County Superior Court, Sullivan was shaking and twitching. The judge ordered he be held without bail.

    Sullivan, a registered sex offender in Washington state, will be arraigned on the murder charge April 28. He also has a criminal history that includes kidnapping and unlawful imprisonment, according to court records.

    Also Online

    Suspect is registered sex offender
    In addition, Sullivan, who lived at home, has a history of mental illness, said Police Chief Martinek.

    Sullivan had pleaded guilty to unlawful imprisonment with sexual motivation in 2003 for trying to kidnap a 14-year-old girl in Vancouver. He was sent to Western State Hospital, treated for paranoid schizophrenia and found competent to stand trial. He was sentenced to 90 days in jail.
    "This is obviously very tragic for everyone involved," he said. The Vancouver Police Department "wants to pass on its condolences to famiy, school and community."

    Nancy Faaren, principal at Fort Vancouver High School said Svidersky's death "is a very sad day for Fort Vancouver High School. Svidersky was "well-liked by students and staff alike. She will be greatly missed by students and staff."

    The senior had a good sense of humor and contagious laugh, and juggled several jobs as well as full-class load, she said.

    School counselors would be helping students with their grief, Faaren said.


    KGW photo

    David Sullivan, a suspect in the stabbing of a Vancouver high school student, enters court.
    Shortly after the first 9-1-1 call about the stabbing at McDonald's, at 2814 N.E. Andresen St., emergency dispatchers received a report that a man was being pursued on foot and police dogs were quickly sent to the scene. Martinek said several witnesses from McDonald's had followed Sullivan from the restaurant.

    Officers said he was soon captured and a knife believed to be the murder weapon was found nearby as well.

    Police have not determined a motive in the stabbing. The McDonald's is located in an area about halfway between downtown and Orchards.

    The girl's mother found out about the attack when she showed up Thursday night to drive her daughter home from work. A Russian-speaking Vancouver Police officer accompanied Svidersky's family to the hospital Thursday night.

    The McDonald's restaurant was closed Thursday night after the stabbing and re-opened at 6:30 a.m. Friday. McNicholas said the staff at the fast-food chain was struggling with the loss, as were police, even though they didn't personally know the slain teen.

    (KGW reporter Scott Burton also contributed to this article.)



    If you have a heart, pass this on. Let her be rememberd.
    IMPORTANT!
    To repost this correctly (pictures and all) you will have too press "reply to poster" and copy the HTML(codes) of this message starting from <*center*> down. & Then paste it and post it as a new bulletin
    11:39 am
    so this is it . . the truth!!
    i cant put you through any more pain

    i know you cant handle it

    and i seriously cant handle it!!!

    i know thats why your fighting things right now but . .

    i cant let you walk outta my life

    i can ignore it all i want if it happens but

    in the long run it will be the hardest thing to deal with

    i wont accept that one day you may not be there

    that short dream affected me so much!!!!!

    i cant deal with the fact that one day you might love someone else

    i want us to be in love

    with each other

    i didnt say it back that night because i was scared to say it!!

    but i realize so much now

    i'll admit i was a dumbass before

    and if you ask me why i couldnt give you one straight answer!!!

    there are so many reasons!!

    but i wanna continue what we started!!

    without you i wouldnt of been able to let go of my past

    and the pain i kept inside that affected me

    and everthing else that held me back

    im not perfect

    and never will i claim to be

    i used to be so good inside

    but im torn now

    i need to rebuild myself

    i nee to rebuild my world

    but i dont wanna do that with out you


    please let me show you i really want you in my life

    love isnt supposed to be like this

    lets learn what its supposed to be like together

    take my hand please . . .

    will you??
    Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
    5:57 pm
    but i guess
    no matter what im wrong
    3:55 pm
    cant say this aint the truth
    REMEMBER WHEN YOU FELT SORRY FOR HER
    (I FORGOT TO TELL YOU SHES GOOD AT MAKING PEOPLE FEEL SORRY FOR HER)
    I DON’T KNOW I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT A COMMENT YOU
    MADE AHWILE BACK ABOUT HOW YOUR NOT GONNA STOP TALKING TO HER
    ABOUT HOW YOU REALLY LIKE HER
    ITS CRAZY CAUSE WHEN SHE WAS PUT BEFORE YOU AT TIMES YOU HATED IT
    AND NOW YOU PUT HER BEFORE ME
    THAT MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL
    THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HER AND YOURS IS
    I WAS INTMATE WITH HER
    I REALLY FELL FOR HER
    WHATS YOUR EXCUSE
    THIS IS ANOTHER REASON IM STEPPING BACK SO YOU CAN THINK
    CAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE YOU HAVING A FRIENDSHIP WITH HER IS WAY MORE IMPORTANT THAN US HAVING ONE
    AND YOU SAY SHE HAS NO REASON TO LIE TO YOU
    SHE HAS NO REASON TO BE FAKE WITH YOU
    YOU SAID IT YOURSELF
    THAT SHES FAKE WITH YOU
    FUNNY HOW SHE WAS WHAT WAS TEARING US APART IN THE BEGINNING
    AND NOW SHES ONE OF THE REASONS WILL ARE APART NOW
    TALK ABOUT EXTREME BEHAVIOR AND DRASTIC CHANGES!!!

    EXPLAIN THIS ONE FOR ME . . .
    11:24 am
    im in that mood
    and wondering why everything is so fucking complicated

    i mean seriously thats life

    a big complication

    and we complain about it daily

    why bother

    it wont make things better

    its fucking pointless to drown in self pity

    does anyone understand??

    i doubt it

    cause it one time i didnt

    but now i see

    im not bitching

    im just saying

    IDK!!!!

    Fuck IT

    today will be a good day adn if it aint

    at least i woke up!!!
    2:23 am
    i dont know what it is you want me to do

    thats why im doing what im doing now

    youve basically shut me outta your life

    what am i to do

    i know how i feel but i also feel like im

    bothering with every call ive made to you lately

    so im just kinda stepping back and giving you time to think

    im still having a hard time understanding how when i started showing i cared

    why u began to push me out

    i admit i made mistakes

    but i cant understand how i have no place in your life now

    i did some fucked up shit and i may ot have made you first at times

    but you were never last


    so why am i now??
    Sunday, April 23rd, 2006
    4:05 pm
    today i woke up
    and its been a slow process!!!

    thanks to those who have put up with me

    that took love and i know ya'll had alot

    to deal with in your own life but yet u

    still tried . .

    maybe i wasnt ready for what ive been getting myself into

    not just the realationship i lost

    but the friendships

    the connection

    the blood and mental pain i lost and took in

    they say with every bit of pain you take in

    you become a lil more wiser

    and that may be true

    ive lost alot

    but all ive been doing is complaining about it

    i have yet to really do anything about it

    today that changes

    many may not believe me when i say this

    but im gonna make my life mean something

    one day i will have a future in what i want to do

    one day i will be independent

    one day i will make someone proud

    and one day i will be in love

    and i will allow them to love me back

    im not giving up on anything in front of me

    im just making plans with those things involved

    this decision came up after i realized how many hate

    letters i had wrote to my self these past 2 weeks

    and off of numerous friends and newly found friends

    that have influenced me a bit

    these people i love for that

    and i hope they know that

    i will no longer wake up and be pathetic

    i will wake up thankful for what i have in front

    of me

    thankful for thoses that love me

    and thankful for the air i breathe

    thank you to all and its always love

    Michael Gonzales

    Current Mood: ready for the fucking world!!!
    Current Music: Icepick -
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